Yes, Indeed!

Wordless Wednesday.

Loss.

I miss my Grandmommie.  Terribly.

I can't believe it's almost been two years since her death and I also can't believe how gut-wrenchingly painful her loss still is.  She is still the first person I want to call when something exciting or awful happens. I wonder if that urge to talk to her will ever change and I wonder if I really want it to.

When she died, I tried to frame the entire experience in a way that would help me to make sense of her loss and to hopefully gain some valuable life lessons and I think I did.  I mean, I realized that death is inevitable and living life with intention and purpose is crucial.  I learned that a life lived in service and love are what really makes ones life meaningful.  My mind knows that I've been changed for the better because of her death but it doesn't really matter to me tonight because my heart is broken and there is a lot of pain gushing out.

I keep trying to look at the positive and think about good memories in the hopes that it will once again make sense to me but the truth is, it doesn't make sense to me and I'm beginning to wonder if maybe it never really has.  Two years later, I still miss her everyday and I can't believe that she isn't here.  I still can't go to her grave without weeping and sometimes I am so overwhelmed by feelings of sadness and loneliness for her that I all I can do is cry.

Maybe one day when I think of her I won't feel such a paralyzing loss but today is not that day.

Cold Weather Lesson #1

Pumping gas with bare hands at 6:30 am in 14 degree weather is never a good idea.  

Wear some gloves, girl!

Holla 2011; Hello 2012

"Ring out the old, ring in the new,

Ring, happy bells, across the snow:

The year is going, let him go;

Ring out the false, ring in the true."

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

I'm sitting here swimming in gratefulness as I reflect over the past year because 2011 was pretty damn good to me.  I mean, seriously good to me.  The only complaint I have is that it was too short.

If you're like me, reflection always leads to much needed self-awareness that brings about the desire to do things differently and better. Therefore, I give you my resolutions.

I resolve to do more of the following in 2012:

• Going to church
• Exercising
• Reading poetry
• Balancing my checkbook
• Sending note cards 
• Saying thank-you
• Cooking
• Dating
• Making new friends
• Walking my dog (even in the snow)
• Turning my computer off at least an hour before I go to bed
• Traveling (day and extended trips)
• Listening to live music

So, I'm happily saying goodbye to 2011 and even more happily welcoming 2012 with gratitude in my heart, motivation in my quest to live my best life, sincere dedication to the work I believe I was put on the earth to do and with a sweet peacefulness in my spirit. 

I'll be home for Christmas....

My heart is happy and full tonight. 

This Holiday Season has been an excellent one filled with family, friends, quality time, reflection and a flood of sweet memories....old and new.  I'm looking forward to a very fantastic new year full of love, peace and joy.

A very Merry Christmas to you!